Angry Series: 5 Reasons people think you're Angry!

Are you angry? Do people tell you that you come off as such? Here are 5 reasons why people think that you’re angry...

It’s a common theme I see in the counseling office. People believe they’re cordial, however others misinterpret as ‘angry’. I’m going to break it down so that people can understand what type of behaviors they could be emitting from the outside, which gives the impression, that they’re mean, pissed off, always angry, etc.

Five reasons why people think that you’re angry:
Reason 1. You have a harsh personality, or you have a harsh way of saying or doing things. You could be often inconsiderate to others feelings or experiences.
Reason 2. You have a negative attitude or have a really toxic attitude.  Negative attitudes are debbie downers, or pessimism all the time. When you’re toxic though, that typically means your negativity is not only affecting you but it’s also affecting the people around you.
Reason 3. You’re critical or you’re judging others. When you’re judging you are putting some type of opinion on a situation. At times, we can be really critical individuals criticizing what anyone tries to do when often times that’s a reflection of how we feel.
Reason 4. You feel that you are entitled. When you feel entitled you think you’re owed something. You could think that you don’t have to work to earn things or that respect, trust, power, etc. should just be given to you.
Reason 5.  You’re self-centered. You’re really focused on yourself or in your own mind, and you can’t get out, you’re just in your own world.
These are things we all experience – these are universal experiences. But when you’ve labeled angry, bitter, etc. these are typically because people could be perceiving these behaviors as your personality. Here are five ways to deal with each of these things:
  1. Being Harsh?  Try having some empathy. A really quick tidbit on empathy: it’s feeling with other people.
  2. Negative/ Toxic attitude? Try keeping a gratitude list. You can use apps, paper and pen, etc. to do this. You can write your list in the beginning of your day or at the end. When you’re just feeling crappy, write down at least five things that you have appreciation for and that you’re thankful for. This is going to help you  reflect on positive things and start to build a list to focus on what’s working in your life versus what’s not working in your life and that can naturally help you change your behavior.
  3. Jugdey or critical? A little trick – try to avoid the stating your opinions (especially when not asked). Try to state facts versus opinions. Trying to state the facts of a situation helps you to avoid personally attacking or making critical opinions.
  4. Entitled?  It always helps if we try to remember that we have to earn __________ (insert behavior or thing here). It's not something that is just given.
  5. Stuck in your own mind?  Since being focused on yourself and your own needs takes away from your ability to connect with people, try stepping outside of yourself. Do for others! Volunteer; going to pet shelters; call a friend or family member and see if they need help with anything; join a church.

If you struggle at communication and that’s really a hard place for you, please feel free to reach out to me. I specialize in working with women who need to find their voice, who are looking for ways to set boundaries, to be assertive. If you think you might need some work in this area, please go to my website or look at some of my services on the facebook page so you’re able to get connected with me. I can help you move forward and past some of these issues that might be preventing you from getting into a truly healthy relationship.
Want to watch my live video over this topic? Head to my facebook page to see the visuals.

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